He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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