there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
