You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
