ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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