Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
