the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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