Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
