it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
