hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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