she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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