The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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