Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am available for nakedness
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
