You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
