dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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