She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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