my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
