That's intense
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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