My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want to be your penis for a week.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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