Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
