Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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