Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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