yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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