ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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