Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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