dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
