and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
