How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Randomize
