She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
