there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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