I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
