Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
