**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
