I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
