Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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