Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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