I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is Oprah even human
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
