I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I skipped work to stalk him.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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