if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
