But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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