Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
