Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
