so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you traded sex for a burrito?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
