The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
