u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
