I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
