giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
