capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
