somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
