The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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