i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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