Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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