toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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