This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
