I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
