I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
