So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
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bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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