I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
