This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10