Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated