you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.