do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
