Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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