guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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