dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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