listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
