Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
