Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
