if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
