At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
