The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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