I'll bet she douches with gravy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you made out with another girl for some wings
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
