I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
