omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
