I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
