I'm lost and stupid without you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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