i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
