I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
