If that was your dad, he is hot
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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